Hiding behind calm, don't be too loud, soft, not harsh. Excitement cannot shine through, pretend to not want anything but stay. To be part of everything, including your life, stay longer and see every moment of your future but can't. Almost like you won't let me. Stay calm. Take deep breaths, step away if you can, say you have a phone call or something but always return, you can’t miss too much. Just sit and smile, let them talk about a story you weren’t there for, and laugh at an inside joke you won’t get. You’re just happy to be included. This is what you wanted, right? To be near that one person and their friends. They won’t know you aren’t okay, they aren’t paying attention and no priority is given to you; it would be selfish to expect that anyways. Take a break, you can break when you are alone. When all the cool colors cry blue.